Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.