Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your words reveal your heart.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.