Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Your words reveal your heart.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.