Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.