Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?