Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.