Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.