Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.