Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.