Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.