The 4 Wills of God

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!