The 4 Wills of God

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.