The 4 Wills of God

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?