The 4 Wills of God

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your words reveal your heart.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).