Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your words reveal your heart.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.