Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?