Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your words reveal your heart.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.