Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your words reveal your heart.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.