Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.