Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.