Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

God is good and wants what is best for us.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).