Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.