Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson