Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your words reveal your heart.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.