The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.