Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

We are equal but we are not the same.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.