Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your words reveal your heart.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)