Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your words reveal your heart.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.