Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.