Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.