Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your words reveal your heart.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.