Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.