Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.