Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"