Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.