Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?