Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?