Building Blocks Study Guide (10 Pack)

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!