Building Blocks Study Guide (10 Pack)

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Your words reveal your heart.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.