Building Blocks Study Guide (10 Pack)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.