Building Blocks Study Guide (10 Pack)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”