Building Blocks Study Guide (10 Pack)

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.