Building Blocks DVD Study - Small Group Kit

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your words reveal your heart.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.