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If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.