Love & Respect Book

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

We are equal but we are not the same.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.