Love & Respect Book

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

We are equal but we are not the same.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.