Amor Y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia (Descargar PDF)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.