Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.