Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your words reveal your heart.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)