Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.