Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.