Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.