Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.