Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.