Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.