Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.