Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Your words reveal your heart.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.