Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“