Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.