Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.