Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your words reveal your heart.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.