Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your words reveal your heart.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!