Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We are equal but we are not the same.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your words reveal your heart.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.