Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We are equal but we are not the same.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.