Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We are equal but we are not the same.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”