Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your words reveal your heart.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.