Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.