Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your words reveal your heart.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.