Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We are equal but we are not the same.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.