The Love and Respect Devotional

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.