The Love and Respect Devotional

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.