The Love and Respect Devotional

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.