The Love and Respect Devotional

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your words reveal your heart.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.