The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

We are equal but we are not the same.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.