The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.