The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.