The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your words reveal your heart.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.