The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We are equal but we are not the same.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)