The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.