The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.