The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.