The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We are equal but we are not the same.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.