The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.