The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.