The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.