The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.