The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.