The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your words reveal your heart.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?