Love & Respect in the Family

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Your words reveal your heart.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.