Love & Respect in the Family

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.