Love & Respect in the Family

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.