Love & Respect in the Family

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your words reveal your heart.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.