Love & Respect in the Family

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your words reveal your heart.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.