Love & Respect in the Family

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Your words reveal your heart.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.