Love & Respect in the Family

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your words reveal your heart.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)