Love & Respect in the Family

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.