Love & Respect in the Family

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your words reveal your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”