Before You Hit Send

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Your words reveal your heart.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.