Before You Hit Send

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Your words reveal your heart.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We are equal but we are not the same.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.