Love & Respect Workbook

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We are equal but we are not the same.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?