Love & Respect Workbook

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.