Conference Notebook - Digital Download (Old)

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.