The Love and Respect Devotional

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your words reveal your heart.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.