The Love and Respect Devotional

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

We are equal but we are not the same.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.