The Love and Respect Devotional

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We are equal but we are not the same.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.