Mother & Son

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.