Love & Respect Workbook

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your words reveal your heart.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.