The Crazy Cycle In Marriage - Study Guide (Download)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your words reveal your heart.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)