Love & Respect Book

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”