Continue to Learn Through The Ups and Downs of Marriage

During the premarital stage for young couples, as well as the “honeymoon” stage at the beginning of their new life together, most couples receive a boatload of marital advice, from counseling, to books, to studies, to everyone and their mother giving them their best tips. It is not uncommon for many of these young couples swept up by love to believe that they “get it,” that they are fully prepared, and that they completely understand all they need to know to have the most successful marriage.

But some things in life you simply don’t “get” until you “do.” And learning the Love and Respect principles of Ephesians 5:33 is no exception to that rule.

Read the following story of one woman who read Love & Respect at the beginning of her marriage and then again nine years and two kids later, and just how differently the two readings impacted her:

My husband and I have been married for almost nine years. We received the book Love and Respect actually as a wedding gift and I read it shortly after getting married. I thought it was a pretty good book, but to be honest I didn't quite get it.

I thought it was mostly common sense and was also still kind of confused on what "respecting your husband" even meant. I remember thinking, "Sure, I respect my husband, but I don't really get what the big deal is."

To put it bluntly, it didn't leave a huge impact on me.

Fast-forward nine years and two kids later . . . my husband and I just took a getaway trip to Colorado so I had a lot of drive time in the car and found this book and decided to reread it.

Wow! NOW I get it!! I have learned over the last several years just how much respect means to my husband, and I would now agree--he definitely needs my respect and admiration more than my love, which comes much more naturally to me as my mother tongue.

It is crystal clear to me now what it means to show respect to my husband . . . and sadly, I have seen so many examples (mostly within our families) of how nagging and negativity toward husbands can crush their spirits. I still make many, many mistakes and say things too quickly before I've had time to think, "Will this sound respectful or disrespectful?" but I am so thankful for the understanding I have now and truly believe our best years are to come!

Thank you for this book! I am in a pretty large MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group and have had the opportunity to share the principles from this book with many other wives. It has the power to be so life-changing within a marriage!

God bless you and your wife in your continued ministry!

After nine years of marriage, this wife finally understood the importance of respecting her husband and how he needs to feel his wife’s respect even more than he does her love. Hopefully the same could be said for him, that after all these years he has learned just how much his wife needs to feel loved and cherished by him.

Pre-marital counseling is always beneficial for young couples, as well as books, studies, and advice from the right mentor couples. But many of these books and studies should be revisited after a time so that they may be viewed by eyes and hearts that have lived through the ups and downs of marriage.

What books did you read at the beginning of your relationship so that you could feel fully prepared?

Try rereading them again now, including Love & Respect, and see if you, too, will finally “get it” as the wife above did.

-Dr. E