The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your words reveal your heart.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?