The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your words reveal your heart.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.