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A New Way For a Mother To Connect With Her Son - The Respect Effect
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Session Reading
Scripture Says It:
Proverbs 31:25: “Strength and dignity are her clothing.”
1 Timothy 3:11: “Women must likewise be dignified.”
1 Corinthians 13:5: “[Love] does not dishonor others.”
They Said It:
Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain: “Males and females become reactive to different kinds of stress. Girls begin to react more to relationship stresses and boys to challenges to their authority. Relationship conflict is what drives a teen girl’s stress system wild. She needs to be liked and socially connected; a teen boy needs to be respected.”
A mom who began applying respect to her seven-year-old boy: “He has come up again recently and said, ‘I don’t know why, but I’m so happy!’ And I thought, I know why, my little sweetheart. Because I have learned to show you the respect you didn’t even know you were crying out for, that I didn’t even know you needed.”
A mom of adult sons who is thankful she did not believe it was too late to begin applying respect: “It [applying respect] is worth the struggle. It will open your eyes and you will see exactly how much your son loves you by his actions. My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations equals more conversations.”
Bring It Home:
Moms long to meaningfully connect with their sons. They desire to connect in ways that cause her to feel his love for her and for him to appreciate her love for him.
What makes this connection happen?
- Words of respect from a mother of dignity
What does this look like?
- The respect word must be used (or something synonymous like “admire,” “proud,” or “appreciate”).
- Mom must herself be a respectful and dignified person.
In the coming sessions, we will discuss:
- Understanding what respect looks like to a boy
- Using the respect word
- Recognizing the man in your boy
- Praying for your Respect Effect
- Seeing the opportunities for the respect word
- Rebounding on missed opportunities
- Validating your son’s good qualities
- Rightly reading his words and spirit
- Motivating him on the heels of his shortcomings
- Relaxing when you feel like a failure at this respect thing
Up For Discussion
- Most mothers want to connect with their sons. Why?
- Over the years, why have you felt some moms struggled to connect with their sons? Did you feel the problem rested mostly with boys? Why or why not?
- My wife, Sarah, says, “If I had known this information when my sons were little (they are now adults with their own children), I would have been a better mother.” But Sarah gives every mother hope when she states, “As a mother, it is never too early and never too late to apply this message of respect. A boy is never too young and never too old.” Do you agree or disagree? Why?
- Is Emerson declaring that mother-love is unimportant when it comes to connecting, and that all that matters is respecting a son? Why is he not saying that?
- Read the following two points: 1) For a mom to display contempt toward the spirit of her son is out of character for her as a woman of dignity (Proverbs 31:25). 2) She knows a demeanor of disgust and disrespect toward the spirit of her son won’t motivate, influence, and energize her son. Do you agree or disagree? Why?
- Did these four testimonies from these moms on the Respect Effect inspire and encourage you about a renewed connection with your own boy? Why or why not?
Just For Mom
- First Corinthians 13:5 says that love “does not dishonor others.” What does this verse mean to you?
- Do you feel your son will respond to Respect-Talk? Why or why not?
- Given there is something you want to do or say related to your son, should you wait until the sessions are finished and you have heard about what not to do as well as what to do? For instance, why is it not a good idea to go home and ask your son if he prefers respect more than love?
- How will you pray differently for your son in light of session one?
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