What’s the Big Idea?

You are about to embark on a wonderful adventure concerning Love and Respect in marriage. As you spend time viewing and discussing the videos, you will be answering three major questions.

• Why do we negatively react to each other in marriage? This will be explained in what is called the Crazy Cycle.
• How do I best motivate my spouse? The Energizing Cycle answers this question.
• What if my spouse does not respond to me? The Rewarded Cycle informs us what to do.

A Message From Emerson and Sarah

We are thrilled with your interest and commitment to do this Love and Respect study. Tens of thousands of people have gone through this material which is based on two simple ideas found  in Ephesians 5:33: Love and Respect. But the way in which these two interface with each other is profound. When a husband and wife gain insight on Love and Respect, it revolutionizes their marriage. The countless testimonies we have received from individuals and the surveys we have taken of couples confirm this. We want you to believe the same can happen in your relationship.  God wants you to believe this! He revealed this truth because He is for you!

About This Study

This is a 10-week session study designed to answer three questions through video, reflection, devotionals and discussion. Each of the 10 sessions include a video to watch and questions to answer both as a group and for personal reflection. Additionally, there is a short devotional for each person to complete between small group sessions.  This study can also be done as a couple, as an individual who is married or even someone who is single and dating or not in a relationship.

‍Testimony Time

‍Do not underestimate the power of allowing others to share what they have learned and put to work in the “Testimony Time” at the beginning of each session.

Facilitators: The suggestions for application are quite general, but as the group becomes comfortable, encourage them to be more specific so they can clearly assess their progress.

Watch the Video

‍Sit back, listen, laugh, and watch!

Facilitators: There are 10 sessions, with one video for each week. Following the completion of the video there will be a prompt to guide you into this week’s discussion questions. This online course is different than the original DVD menu you would see as you follow along in the physical workbook but you can still accomplish all that needs to be done. You can go forward and backwards in the steps as you choose.

In-Session Guide

‍As you watch the video portion of this study, use this section to take notes and access scripture references. It is recommended that you have a notebook for this online version. There are fill in the blank sections for the physical workbook and we certainly encourage participants, if doing in a group, to purchase a physical workbook. If you have paid for this course, download of the original workbook pdf form is included. Fill in the blank answers are included in the back of the physical workbook and with this online version as well.

Discussion

‍There are no trick questions. Most questions ask for an opinion, so have fun sharing your thoughts.

Facilitators: Because of the varying lengths of time that groups meet (some have twenty minutes for discussion and others sixty minutes), not all the questions can be answered during the group discussion time. Therefore, in each session an * is put by a few questions that Emerson feels everyone should answer.

If you have more time, use your discretion as the facilitator in selecting other questions. Be sure to encourage the group to answer the remaining questions on their own during the week. Most questions correlate with the video segment.

Immediate Application

‍After each session, write down 1-2 things that come to mind during the session that you can apply or practice in the coming week.

Facilitators: Help the group think in terms of practical application. Be sure to stress the importance of writing down thoughts for this section. Encourage them to be prepared (if they feel comfortable) to share how it went at the beginning of the next session.

Mid-week Devotional

‍In between sessions, there is a mid-week devotional for everyone to read on their own that is related to the topic of the most recently discussed video. It is NOT intended to be read through quickly as part of last-minute preparations for the next session. Instead, the devotional provides an opportunity for everyone to reinforce an idea from the previous session and to spend time away from the group thinking about and applying the Love and Respect principles.

Facilitators

‍Please strongly encourage everyone to visit this devotional two or three days after your meeting. If you are doing this in a group and some participants are not members our site or did not purchase a physical workbook, feel free to cut and paste the devotional from that step to send to participants, from your pdf download of the workbook, or photocopy from the physical workbook if you purchased one.

Doing This Study Alone Without Your Spouse

‍Good for you for wanting to learn, grow and be introspective. This study is an incredible way to dig deeper into a topic and is excellent for an individual, couple or group.

Since there may be no one to join you at this time, try your best to bring up the topics you’re thinking about with people in your life. Of course, be sensitive if your spouse resists talking. Instead focus on applying the message without talking.

Doing This Study as a Couple

Go through the sections and discussion questions together or do them separately and review together. While doing this, trust each other’s goodwill.

If the study becomes challenging to do together - ask questions and seek wisdom from others  - perhaps an older, wiser couple who have walked the road in front of you, a pastor, or a Christian counselor.

Doing This Study as a Single/Dating Person

We welcome all singles to the Love and Respect Small Group! We believe this message is as relevant to singles as it is to those who are married. The principles learned in this study will help you understand gender differences and how to apply this insight to all of your relationships. For those of you who will eventually marry, the Love and Respect principles applied to your life now will powerfully influence your process of choosing a future spouse, potentially saving you from years of unnecessary heartache.

In most groups, you will be going through this material with married couples as well as singles. Many of the examples and questions are directed to those who are married, but can be easily adapted to other relationships such as the following:

• Friendships
• Dating relationships
• Future marriage
• Parent and sibling relationships
• Work relationships

We encourage you to look for tangible ways to apply what you learn each week to all of your relationships. During the week reflect, pray, and journal on these principles and come prepared to share your discoveries. The goal is to process your thoughts and insights with others in the group, whether they are married or single. We believe strongly that both groups can learn from one another. Our desire is that sharing together will create mutual growth and accountability.

Thank you! We are grateful to those of you who are willing to answer God’s call and lead other couples through this study in order to strengthen their marriages. Our prayer is that your own marriage will be strengthened and blessed in ways beyond your hopes and expectations. We’ve worked hard to make this study easy to follow and easy for you to lead. As you prepare to facilitate this study, here are a few thoughts to keep in mind.

1. Don’t do it alone.

Pray and ask God to help and guide you throughout the entire study. This is a big responsibility, but God doesn’t expect you to do it alone. God promises to equip you for what he has called you to do. He wants you to not only be a blessing to others  as you serve, but to also be blessed. Be sure to set aside quiet time with God to allow him to strengthen and encourage you in your own marriage. The foundation of your leadership will come from who you are as a person and your relationship with God. 

2. Be yourself.

You don’t need to be an expert! God wants you to use your unique gifts, talents and life experiences. Whether you are an experienced small group leader, or this is your first  time, God is pleased with your commitment and will meet you right where you are. Don’t  worry if you don’t always have an answer to a question or you make a mistake. Your group will appreciate your honesty and your efforts, and will love you for it.

3. Check your leadership style.

Facilitating a group is a big responsibility, but nothing you can’t handle. Keep in mind the spouses in your group represent marriages in different circumstances and stages, some strong, others weak. As you lead your group, seek to:

• Be relaxed and casual, but organized and able to keep things moving. Let people share, give opinions, and even disagree a bit, but don’t be afraid to sum things up and move to the next question or topic.
• Be caring and sensitive. Some couples in your group might see a lot of humor in certain topics and questions. Others may be hurting and unhappy, not seeing the humor at all. As you go through the study, be aware of those couples who may need a little more guidance and encouragement than others. Some may even want to meet with you in order to talk and pray outside the group. If you feel their issues are beyond your wisdom, don’t hesitate to refer them to your pastor or a Christian counselor. (Also take note: Don’t get distracted in your discussions by someone asking about abuse. It’s assumed that basic goodwill exists among spouses in this group. If someone is in harm’s way, they need to speak privately with someone in leadership and seek help from those in authority.)
• Be accepting and non-threatening. For example, if someone comes up with an opinion that is totally counter to what Emerson sometimes refers to as “typical” or “generally speaking,” do not be defensive or argumentative. Let everyone give opinions, then sum up by saying, “According to Emerson’s extensive experience and research on marital communication, this is what he sees to be the norm or what is typical of men and women, husband and wives. He knows there are exceptions to any ‘general rule,’ but he has also found that regardless of how people think or act, they all need Love and Respect in communication.”
• Be an encourager. Encourage the couples in your group to attend every session, engage fully in the discussion, pray and complete each session in their workbook. Help them to see God working in them and in their marriage relationship throughout the study. As you lead, be sensitive to personality types (i.e.introvert and extrovert). Gently draw out the quieter members by asking non-threatening questions such as, “What do you think about this?” Encourage talkative members to fully share but not dominate  the discussion. Never allow unsolicited advice.

4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time.

It is best to review the video session and the study guide for that session ahead of time. This will allow you to be better prepared for leading the discussions and also familiarize you with the exercises at the end of each session.

5. Depend on God’s leading.

Prayer should be an important part of every meeting. Feel free to pray and lead your group with your own prayer or have someone else in the group lead in prayer. It is also important to pray for the couples in your group throughout the study.

6. Session timing.

Do your best to honor the time frame you have planned for each week. People will appreciate being able to depend on your group time starting and ending on time. Emerson spends the majority of the first session talking before any fill in the blanks, so encourage participants to just sit back and listen, and perhaps take some notes. Remind your group that all of the answers are in the back of this book.

7. Verses in the Session Guide.

‍Because I had the privilege as a pastor-teacher of studying the Bible 30 hours a week for nearly 20 years, I looked at everything in the Bible related to marriage. The concepts that I teach are derived from what the Scriptures reveal. As you go  through this content, please read these verses. In the video I will not cover the majority of these. For this reason do not deprive yourself of being blessed by the richness of God’s word on marriage. Please read these and be edified. All verses are from the New American  Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise specified. Also, you will notice some verses are indented. These Scriptures show the exceptions.

Thank You for allowing God to use you by serving as a small group leader. Your willingness and commitment to dedicate your time, effort, and energy is a priceless gift. You are the ones making a difference in the battle against failed marriages and divorce.

May God bless you and your marriage!

- Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs