8 Hurdles To Love And Respect: Part 2

This assessment is designed to help you and your spouse identify which hurdles you are currently facing in your marriage and which ones you have successfully overcome. Answer each question honestly and discuss your responses together.

Instructions:

Rate each statement based on your experience in the past six months.

Scale: Never = 0 points; Rarely = 1 point; Sometimes = 2 points; Often = 3 points; Always = 4 points

After rating each statement (e.g. Do We Act Inconsistently?), total your scores to identify areas needing improvement and those where you've made progress.

Discuss your scores and what they mean for your relationship.

Do We Act Inconsistently?

We struggle to maintain consistent loving or respectful behaviors.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We often fall back into old, unhealthy habits.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our efforts to improve our relationship are inconsistent.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We frequently start but fail to continue positive changes.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Do We Feel Neglected Sexually/Affectionately?

I often feel neglected sexually or affectionately by my spouse.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We rarely spend quality time being intimate or affectionate.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our sexual relationship leaves one or both of us feeling unfulfilled.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Lack of affection or sexual connection leads to frustration in our marriage.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Do We Possess Unrealistic Expectations?

I often expect my spouse to meet unrealistic standards.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We struggle with unmet expectations in our marriage.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

I get frustrated when my spouse doesn’t react or behave as I expect.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our expectations of each other often lead to disappointment.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Do We Allow for Unpremeditated but Damaging Reactions?

We frequently react negatively without thinking.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

I feel hurt by my spouse’s unintentional actions or words.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We often misunderstand each other’s unintentional behaviors.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our spontaneous reactions lead to unnecessary conflict.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Assessment Summary

Scores are totaled for each section (e.g. Do We Act Inconsistently?) based on the following:

Never = 0 points; Rarely = 1 point; Sometimes = 2 points; Often = 3 points; Always = 4 points

Interpretation of Scores:

• Scores 12-16: This area is a significant hurdle in your marriage.
• Scores 8-11: This area presents some challenges that need attention.
• Scores 4-7: You are managing well but still have room for improvement.
• Scores 0-3: You have successfully overcome this hurdle.

Next Steps

1. Identify your highest-scoring sections: These represent the most significant hurdles in your marriage.
2. Discuss what changes you can make to address these areas.
3. Celebrate your successes: Acknowledge areas where you scored low, recognizing the progress you’ve made.
4. Seek support: Consider resources like Love and Respect Ministries, counseling, or support groups for continued growth.

This assessment serves as a tool to promote open communication and mutual understanding. Use it as a starting point to work together towards fostering a more loving and respectful marriage.