Finding Win-Win Solutions in Marriage

Finding win-win solutions in marriage means both partners feel satisfied with the outcome. This requires acknowledging and validating each other’s perspectives. As an email I received states: "We deal with disagreements by finding win-win solutions. It involves acknowledging and validating each other’s self-interests and understanding that not all disagreements are black and white issues but often gray areas where both sides have valid points."

Examples of Win-Win Solutions

Scheduling Versus Spontaneity

The wife believes in a strict schedule for their children, while the husband favors a more relaxed, spontaneous approach. They create a hybrid schedule that includes structured times for homework and meals, with flexible periods for free play and spontaneous activities. The structured times make the relaxed periods more enjoyable for the husband because things are under control but not too restrictive. The wife finds value within the structured day because things are not out of control, and she knows the spontaneous moments not only bring the kids joy but also allow her to enjoy those times more fully in light of the overall structured times.

Higher Returns Versus Secure Returns

The husband wants to invest heavily in stocks for higher returns, while the wife prefers the security of bonds. They decide to invest in a balanced mutual fund that incorporates both stocks and bonds, allowing for growth potential and security. As they see their portfolio grow steadily, both appreciate the blend of risk and safety, recognizing the strength in a diversified investment. The husband only wanted to risk more because of the greater reward, but he knew that risk entails loss, so the mutual fund was acceptable, and the peace of mind actually made him happier. The wife only wanted to avoid risk for fear of losing what they had gained, but the mutual fund insured against major losses, and based on the track record of mutual funds, she could be assured over time of increasing their income from favorable interests.

Individual Activities Versus Being Together as a Couple

The wife loves painting, while the husband enjoys reading. They set up a shared creative space where she can paint while he reads. They find that being together in this shared space enhances their enjoyment even while doing different activities. While the wife paints, she enjoys it when her husband shares something he just read that he finds fascinating. While the husband reads, as he looks up, he can enjoy what she paints and affirm the beauty of what she is doing. With a bit of thought, this couple protected their interests while feeding into their togetherness at the same time.

Gardening Versus Interior Decorating

The husband enjoys gardening, while the wife likes interior decorating. But because he was outside and she was inside, they seemed to be on separate paths and neither fully appreciated what the other did. But they had an idea. They collaborated on creating a beautiful garden that could be viewed from a bay window in the back of the house, given they used that lawn area for his garden. She, on the other hand, had wanted to redecorate that room but had never thought about bringing into that room through that window an outside garden. A lightbulb came on for both of them. Now, they sit together enjoying the view of the garden through the window in a newly refurbished room. Win-Win! She enjoys what she did in that room but brings in what he did, which she thoroughly enjoys. He finds pleasure in what she did, especially now that he can see through the bay window all that he did outside. They put up lights outside so they could enjoy the garden after dark.

The Beauty of Win-Win

Often, we can find win-win solutions when we step back and realize we can derive satisfaction from what we originally opposed. Though we let go of 20%, if not a greater percentage, we end up finding satisfaction from what we originally desired, but we find satisfaction precisely where we thought we would lose it. This dynamic and beauty of contrast lead to greater individual enjoyment, illustrating that sometimes, less is indeed more.

By embracing this approach, couples can discover blended options that bring greater mutual enjoyment and deepen their connection, proving that win-win solutions are not only feasible but also enriching for both partners.