4 Reasons Valentine's Day Was Special – or Not!

I hear two extreme responses from couples AFTER Valentine's Day:

"We had the most romantic Valentine's Day! We are still in the afterglow!"

"We got in a huge fight on Valentine's Day! We are still mad at each other."

There are four reasons why this feels like the best day or the worst day for most people.

Reason #1: A Wife’s Sentimental Desire for Love

A wife/woman has high expectations for Valentine's Day because of her sentimental feelings revolving around romantic love. Many refer to women as "incurable romantics." The card industry knows this all too well, not to suggest the producers of so-called “chic flicks.” When a husband understands the significance of a love note, a gift, dinner out and an evening spent talking about the relationship, he energizes his wife.

Women love that special event.

We read of the woman’s delight in the Song of Solomon as she is ushered into a public place of celebration that enabled the man to let others know of his love. We read, "He has brought me to his banquet hall, and his banner over me is love” (2:4). What woman does not enjoy an elaborate, formal romantic evening out with her husband where he showers her with his love and he looks at her with affection for all to see?

Yes, there are 364 other days of the year on which he needs to be loving, but right or wrong, Valentine's Day ignites an expectation in the heart of nearly every woman on the planet to have her husband do something that makes her feel like that very special, one-and-only person in his life.

When a husband grasps and acts on this information, he creates a glow in his wife.

When a husband forgets Valentine's Day or falls short of her reasonable expectations to connect with him emotionally and romantically, she experiences disappointment. She feels unspecial. He can tell her she ought not to feel that way, but he may as well tell gravity to cease.

What can a husband do given he innocently overlooked the symbolism and sentimentality of Valentine's Day to his wife? (Hint: I provide the answer to this question below).

There is another reason Valentine’s Day proves to be special or unspecial.

Reason #2: A Husband's Sentimental Desire for Respect

He does not have as high of expectations on Valentine's Day because his sentimentality revolves less around love. Oh, yes, some men celebrate this day with great fanfare in winning the hearts of their women, but by-and-large men differ from women.

Ask women what “special day” comes in February and they will instantaneously shout, “Valentine’s Day!” Ask a group of men and they have to think about the question. I recently spoke to a group of 650 women on February 10 (a Tuesday evening) and the female M.C. said, “I know you are looking forward to Saturday,” to which all the women joyfully responded--a certain electricity was in the air. They knew exactly what she meant. If I had said what she said to 650 men, there would be stone silence.  Many guys would think, “Is there a big basketball game? What?”

This does not mean men are cold hearted, unloving creatures.

It means we as a culture have turned the focus of most everything “Valentine’s Day” to center around the female and her sentimentality related to L.O.V.E. For this reason, when many women give their husbands a “love note,” he reads it, thanks her and asks, “What’s for lunch?” Many gals cannot believe how quickly he discards her card. After all, she stood at the card rack for 30 minutes looking for that special card that captured what she feels about him and all he ends up doing is asking about food?

But the good news for wives is that husbands are sentimental.

However, their sentimentality revolves around R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  When Peter reveals that a wife’s respect opens the heart of her husband (1 Peter 3:1,2), when Paul tells wives to focus on respect not love (Ephesians 5:33), when the book of Esther reveals that husbands yearn for wholesome honor (1:20) and when King David ended his relationship with his wife, Michal, due to her refusal to enable him to feel “lightly esteemed” (2 Samuel 6:22), we receive a glimpse into the male soul.

This is not about love, or if it is about love it is about a wife loving her husband by meeting his need to feel honored and respected for who he is as a man created in the image of God. This is not about respecting his performance anymore than it is about a husband loving his wife for her performance. This is about loving and respecting the inner person that God sees.

Specifically, when a wife writes a respect card instead of a love note, she will notice her husband keeping the card, showing clear emotion and loving on her. A correctly written respect card works wonders.

Do you want to know how to effectively write this respect card that energizes a man? (Hint: I provide the answer to this question below).

There is a third and fourth reason Valentine’s Day is special or unspecial. Reasons 3 and 4 evoke powerful responses--whether good or bad--based on the turn of events on Valentine's Day.

Reason #3: A Wife’s Craving for a Story

Many wives have high expectations to tell their friends a story of romance from Valentine’s Day. Did you have an inspiring story to tell or not? Why?

Reason #4: A Husband’s Craving for Sex

Many husbands have high expectations of enjoying sexual intimacy on Valentine’s Day. Yes, women love sex with their husbands, but not if these husbands approach them in a way that wives finds contrary to their feminine hearts. Gentlemen, did you have an intimate time or not? Why?

-Dr. E