Let’s Do This!

This week, be aware of the times you come into conflict or experience the Crazy Cycle with someone you care about. Instead of being reactionary or completely shutting down in the middle of the conflict, do everything in your power to stop and assess what’s at the root of your feelings of being offended or misunderstood. I don’t want you to accuse the other person of being unloving or disrespectful; instead, try to decode and unpack your own feelings. This is how we get off the Crazy Cycle. 

When you feel yourself start to spin, try pausing and defusing the craziness by saying something like, “Do you think maybe we are overreacting due to a misunderstanding? Can we hit restart?” 

Now, don’t print out my words. Be yourself; use your own words. But I believe that in being humble and honest, you will eventually find some common ground. 

If you don’t experience any conflict this week, try to remember a time when you had a fight with someone. How would changing your tone and seeking to understand (as opposed to seeking to be understood) benefit you? 

What is the difference between humility and passivity, in your mind? Which one of these attributes do you default to more often? Which is empowering and why? 

Points to Ponder

GRAFTING IN YOUR GRANNY 

What are the big questions that keep you up at night?

What do you do with your questions? 

Who are some people in your life who fit the description of “older, wiser counsel”? 

What tangible things can you do to initiate relationships with “older, wiser counselors” if they aren’t already in your life? 

What have been some of the most “illuminating” moments in your life? What caused them, and what made them “stick” to become incorporated into your worldview/set of values? 

What prevents you from hearing wisdom from the experiences of older generations?

WHO YOU CALLIN’ A JUDAS? 

In sharing his story, my dad talked about the wounds from his father. He shared that, though his mother moved him and his sister out of harm’s way when his dad was out of control, she never mislabeled him. He said, “There’s a difference between the spirit of a Judas and the spirit of a Peter. And I’m so thankful that my mother never reduced my dad to a one-sentence descriptor.” 

Look up Mark 14 and read about Peter and Judas. Think about the differences between the two of them. How do you see yourself in both Peter and Judas? 

Did you have—or do you currently have—someone who is unsafe for you to be around? How do you discern a Peter from a Judas, and how do you get wisdom to know how much of a relationship you should or should not have with that person? 

*See Emerson’s Wise Words No. 2 Below

Extra Points to Ponder

WATER CONSERVATION OR CONSERVATION OF A MARRIAGE?
‍Monologue by W. Vandoren Wheeler 

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*See Emerson’s Wise Words No. 3 Below

Van's mother gave his nitpicking priorities a verbal wake-up smack. Do you have people in your life who will play this role? Who are they? Do you listen to them? Have you thanked them? Do you have a posture that invites people to speak truth into your life?

Extra Points to Ponder #2

“YOU ARE MINE”
‍Music by Hannah Glavor  

Where once He lay
Light of life by darkness slain
Bright bursting forth
Sing Hallelujah, glorious day

You did change the world in a single day
And you bound up my heart forevermore
I’m Yours

Chorus:
Light shines brightest after the dark
And now I see a different way
And I am born anew
Your light brings life
Your life is mine

Though darkness hides
My efforts won’t remove my stains
Deep shadows bright
Turn my darkness into light

You did change the world in a single day
And you bound up my heart forevermore
I’m Yours

Heaven’s new light
Shines upon my broken heart
Lift up my eyes
Free and crowned in radiance, bright 

***

Do You Believe That You Are His? 

Read Lamentations 3. Then read Romans 4 and 5. 

Now listen to Hannah’s song as a prayer of hope and think or journal about the questions below. Or download the song and put it on repeat ('cause it’s that good) and think or journal about the questions below. 

Can you lament and find hope at the same time? Deep down, do you believe that Christ is our hope? Savior? Be honest, and even if you are doubting, I would encourage you to take your doubts in prayer to God. And if you are at a place where you do believe Christ is our hope, praise Him, and really think about what it means for Him to have been a sacrifice for us.

la·ment - pronunciation: [luh-ment] 

verb (used with object)

• to feel or express sorrow or regret for: to lament his absence.
• to mourn for or over.

verb (used without object)

• to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.
• to mourn deeply. 

noun 

• an expression of grief or sorrow. 
• A formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song; an elegy or dirge.

hope - pronunciation: [hohp] 

noun 

• the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope.
• A particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
• grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is little or no hope of his recovery.
• a person or thing in which expectations are centered: The medicine was her last hope. 
• something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope.

verb (used with object) 

• To look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
• to believe, desire, or trust. 

verb (used without object) 

• to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.
• archaic. to place trust; rely (usually followed by in). 

*See Emerson’s Wise Words No. 4 Below

Scripture Says

EPHESIANS 5:33 The token Love & Respect verse! 

1 CORINTHIANS 7:33-34 

TITUS 2:2 What kind of love are men instructed to give here? Agape? Phileo or eros? 

TITUS 2:4-5 What kind of love are women instructed to give here? 

Right-Brain Recreation

After the video this week, your group may have discussed what you wish you could have told your younger self. I want you now to write a letter to your younger teen self. In case you are stumped, I’ve put in some Mad Libs–style prompts to help you along. And sometimes prompts involve food I am currently craving. 

Yours truly,
Seven-year-old Joy 

PS - And for those of you going, “Uhhh, what’s the point of this?”— remember, you are a free agent. You don’t have to do it, but the point will come later on . . .

LETTER TO MY _______-YEAR-OLD SELF 

Dear (YOUR NAME HERE),
_______________________________________seemed important at the time
so silly_______________________________________________________________
immature____________________________________________________________
pickles and olives____________________________________________________
really doesn’t matter in the long run_________________________________
______________________________________buttered popcorn______________
_______________________________just wanted you to know_____________
With all my __________ years of wisdom, 

(YOUR NAME HERE)

Emerson's Wise Words

No. 2
Jesus intended for the Twelve to examine themselves to see whether they were the betrayer. In other words, did they have characteristics such as disloyalty and dishonesty? When at the Last Supper He declared that one of them would betray Him, He did so to cause each to look inwardly at himself (John 13:22–25). The Apostle Paul recognized what Jesus was doing and, in a similar manner, calls us to examine ourselves during the Lord’s Supper (1 Corinthians 11:28). Such a question and reflection is biblical, though heavy.

No. 3
This is a heavy question, but we believe it is necessary. Some of us may be ignoring red flags by dating a Judas type. We lack a discerning spirit. Others of us may be falsely profiling a goodwilled Peter type as a Judas. We possess a judgmental spirit. Though you may not be able to answer the question in depth here (and you shouldn't share all your thoughts with others in the group), nonetheless, this question can serve as a beginning point to the process of making these determinations. 

No. 4
‍We all have moments of sorrow about how we failed to do relationships as we ought. Thus, we come to a crossroads. Will we be teachable or self-justifying? One way to be teachable and to grow wiser and more effective in relationships is to believe that God is for us, not against us. The Bible exclaims that God loves us, as demonstrated by His death on the cross for us. We matter. However, when we see ourselves in a negative light, we can feel that God sees us in that same negative light. We think God is against us and we stop opening ourselves to new truths about ourselves. We stagnate. For this reason, as we reflect on our lives and relationships, and feel convicted, we must remember that the Lord loves us and is for us even though we fail. The moments of guilt we feel are not signs that God hates us and is against us. Instead, this is His invitation to us to better understand how to do love and respect.