HOW TO DO THIS STUDY

If You’re Doing This Study Alone

• Good for you for wanting to learn, grow, and be introspective. The shorter-form, digital products on specific topics are an incredible way to dig deeper into a topic and are excellent for study as an individual, couple, or group.
• Since there may be no one to join you at this time, try your best to bring up the topics you’re thinking about with people in your life.
• But, please consider inviting one, two, or ten other people to join you, either now or after you have completed the study. These topical studies are excellent to use in community, whether learning from older, wiser people who have weathered a few more seasons or personally leading a group of others.

If You’re Doing This Study As A Couple

• Purchase and download your own copy of the study.
• Go through the sections and discussion questions together or do them separately and review together.
• Ask questions and seek wisdom from others if the study becomes challenging to do together. Consider inviting some other people to join you to discuss some of the challenges. This could be the topic itself or the way you are interacting with each other. Perhaps even an older, wiser couple who has walked the road in front of you, a pastor, or a Christian counselor could join.
• Also consider purchasing the book Love & Respect and reading it together. The book covers not only the topic of the Crazy Cycle, but also the Energizing Cycle and the Rewarded Cycle—the real payoff for learning how to best love and respect your spouse.

If You’re Doing This Study As A Group

• We would appreciate each person in your group purchasing and downloading their own copy of the study.
• You could make copies and distribute them to others and we might never know since we operate on an honor code, but we believe there’s incredible value in ownership when each person makes a small investment. When we invest a little, we engage and participate. When we pay, we pay attention. We value the study.
• Please review and abide by the Participant’s Guidelines, which are mutually beneficial for all group members.

If You’re Doing This Study As A Leader

• You don’t have to be an expert.
• Encourage everyone in your group to purchase and download their own copy of the study before your first meeting.
• Follow the Small Group Leader’s Guide, which we trust will be encouraging and useful to you.

PARTICIPANT GUIDELINES

Small groups can have an enormous impact as you build friendships, gain support, and encourage each other in a close group of people who hold you accountable as you work on your marriage. The guidelines below will help you and your other group members benefit from your time together.

Confidentiality

Remember that everything shared in your small group is to be considered confidential. This protects your group as a supportive, accepting place for its members. Unless you’ve been given permission, do not share anything from your discussion outside your small group.

Openness

Do your best to be open and honest during discussions. Your transparency will encourage others to do the same.

Respect For Group Members

Remember that each person has the right to their own opinion. All questions are encouraged and respected. Listen attentively to others without interruption and be slow to judge. Be careful about sentences that start with “You should...” or “You ought...” and do not give advice that isn’t specifically solicited.

Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy

During your group discussions, be careful to guard your mate’s privacy and feelings, whether or not they are present. Use the discussions to work on yourself and your relationship with God. If a sensitive issue involves your spouse, and discussing it would embarrass or devalue them in the eyes of the group, save that discussion for your “at home” discussion time.

Priority

Prioritize the small group meeting in your schedule. If you’re unable to attend or are running late, call your group leader.

Support

Actively support the mission and values of the study and follow the directions given by your leader. Refrain from gossip and criticism; if you have concerns or questions about a member’s views or statements, communicate directly with that person.

Commitment

As with anything worthwhile in life, what you receive from this study will be directly related to the time, energy, and effort you put into it. Commit to showing up each week, and being open to what God wants to teach you through this study. God will honor your commitment and bless you and your marriage tenfold.

SMALL GROUP LEADER’S GUIDE

Thank you! We are grateful to those of you who are willing to answer God’s call and lead other couples through this digital study. Our prayer is that you and your relationships will be strengthened and blessed in ways beyond your hopes and expectations. As you prepare to facilitate, here are a few guidelines to keep in mind.

Don’t Do It Alone

Pray and ask God to help and guide you throughout. This is a big responsibility, but God doesn’t expect you to do it alone. God promises to equip you for what He has called you to do. Be sure to set aside quiet time with God to allow Him to strengthen and encourage you. Whether you are an experienced small group leader or this is your first time, God is pleased with your commitment and will meet you right where you are.

Be Caring and Sensitive

Some in your group might see a lot of humor in certain topics and questions. Others may be hurting and unhappy, not seeing the humor at all. As you go through the study, be aware of those who may need a little more guidance and encouragement than others. Some may even want to have you meet, talk, and pray with them outside the group. If you feel their issues are more than you are qualified to handle, don’t hesitate to refer them to your pastor or a Chris tian counselor. Don’t worry if you don’t always have an answer to a question. Your group will appreciate your honesty!

Be Accepting and Non-Threatening

For example, if someone comes up with an opinion that is totally counter to what Emerson sometimes refers to as “typical” or “generally speaking,” do not be defensive or argumentative. Let everyone give opinions, then sum up by saying, “According to Emerson’s extensive experience and research on marital communication, this is what he finds to be the norm or what is typical of men and women, husbands and wives. He knows there are exceptions to any general rule, but he has also found that regardless of how people think or act, they all need Love and Respect in communication.”

Be an Encourager

Encourage group members to attend every session, engage fully in the discussion, pray, and complete any assignments that have been agreed upon. Help them to see God working in them throughout the study. As you lead, be sensitive to personality types (i.e., introvert and extrovert). Gently draw out the quieter members by asking non-threatening questions such as, “What do you think about this?” Encourage talkative members to fully share but not dominate the discussion. Never allow unsolicited advice.

Prepare for Your Meeting Ahead of Time

Be sure you are familiar with the material, reading and/or watching ahead as appropriate and being aware of any specific instructions that come with your product.

Session Timing

Do your best to honor the time frame you have planned for each week. Keep the discussion focused on the topic and on the specific questions the group is addressing. Let people share, give opinions, and even disagree a bit, but don’t be afraid to sum things up and move to the next question or topic. If the conversation strays to other topics, gently redirect the group back to the study guide questions and suggest that alternate discussion continue during the social time after the study.

Depend on God’s Leading

Prayer should be an important part of every meeting. In some cases, Emerson may have provided a suggested prayer at the end of the section or topic as an example. However, please feel free to lead your group with your own prayer or have someone else in the group lead in prayer.

Abide by and Enforce Participant Guidelines

As the leader, you are the role model for your group. This doesn’t mean you are perfect, but abiding by the Participant’s Guidelines in the beginning of this book is expected.

Thank you again for allowing God to use you by serving as a small group leader. Your willingness and commitment to dedicate your time, effort, and energy is a priceless gift. You are the ones making a difference in the battle against failed marriages and divorce. May God bless you and your marriage.

We would love to hear from you! If you are willing to share your feedback on this study, please e-mail us at story@loveandrespect.com.