8 Hurdles To Love And Respect: Part 1

This assessment is designed to help you and your spouse identify which hurdles you are currently facing in your marriage and which ones you have successfully overcome. Answer each question honestly and discuss your responses together.

Instructions:

Rate each statement based on your experience in the past six months.

Scale: Never = 0 points; Rarely = 1 point; Sometimes = 2 points; Often = 3 points; Always = 4 points

After rating each statement (e.g. Do We Blame), total your scores to identify areas needing improvement and those where you've made progress.

Discuss your scores and what they mean for your relationship.

Do We Blame?

I often feel like my spouse blames me for our problems.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

I find myself blaming my spouse for things that go wrong.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We argue frequently about who is at fault for our issues.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

It’s hard for us to take responsibility for our own actions.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score = 

Do We Communicate Poorly?

We often misunderstand each other’s intentions or words.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our discussions frequently turn into arguments.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We struggle to express our needs and feelings clearly.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We avoid talking about important issues to prevent conflict.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Do We Tire from Stress?

We often feel overwhelmed by our responsibilities and stress.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our stress levels negatively impact our relationship.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We find it hard to support each other when stressed.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Stress leads to frequent arguments or misunderstandings between us.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Do We Resist Unconditional Love and Respect?

I struggle to show love or respect to my spouse unconditionally.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

We often withhold affection or kindness when upset.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

I find it hard to forgive my spouse without conditions.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Our relationship feels conditional on good behavior.

(Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always)

Total Score =

Assessment Summary

Scores are totaled for each section (e.g. Do We Blame?) based on the following:

Never = 0 points; Rarely = 1 point; Sometimes = 2 points; Often = 3 points; Always = 4 points

Interpretation of Scores:

• Scores 12-16: This area is a significant hurdle in your marriage.
• Scores 8-11: This area presents some challenges that need attention.
• Scores 4-7: You are managing well but still have room for improvement.
• Scores 0-3: You have successfully overcome this hurdle.

Next Steps

1. Identify your highest-scoring sections: These represent the most significant hurdles in your marriage.
2. Discuss what changes you can make to address these areas.
3. Celebrate your successes: Acknowledge areas where you scored low, recognizing the progress you’ve made.
4. Seek support: Consider resources like Love and Respect Ministries, counseling, or support groups for continued growth.

This assessment serves as a tool to promote open communication and mutual understanding. Use it as a starting point to work together towards fostering a more loving and respectful marriage.