Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your words reveal your heart.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”