Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your words reveal your heart.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.