Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.