Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your words reveal your heart.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.