Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.