Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We are equal but we are not the same.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your words reveal your heart.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.