Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Your words reveal your heart.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.