Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.