Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your words reveal your heart.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.