Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.