Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Your words reveal your heart.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.