Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your words reveal your heart.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.