Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your words reveal your heart.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

We are equal but we are not the same.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.