Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.