Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

God is good and wants what is best for us.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.