Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.