Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.