Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.