Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.