Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.