Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your words reveal your heart.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We are equal but we are not the same.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)