Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your words reveal your heart.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.