Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We are equal but we are not the same.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.