Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We are equal but we are not the same.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.