Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.