Mother & Son

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.