Before You Hit Send

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your words reveal your heart.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!