Testimonials

"I went to church and prayed and prayed for reconciliation. My ex-husband... confessed about a year ago that he wanted to try again. My heart soared with emotion! Glory to God! Could this be true? I thought it was done and over, but God had other ideas. The “story of us” was far from over. The past few months have been heavenly, and I owe it all to Christ’s message and your delivery of that message…I had attempted to try marriage counseling or retreats with (my husband) before, but they were always under a cloud of problems and heartache. This was different…Instead of moving in two different directions, we were moving as one. After purchasing the book, we attended the conference together and I was over the moon that he wanted to go…and it was life changing for us. We held hands at the “ceremony” at the end of the conference and prayed…These are the miracles that God performs. It is all in God’s timing."

In talking to my sons on the phone, I thought I would try out the respect thing. Instead of always ending our conversation with I love you, I said, “I respect (I made it personal to their situations).” One son got quiet and then said, “Thank you, mom,” which really touched my heart. Another son who is more distant from us emotionally and spiritually also got quiet and then said, “I love you,” which he seldom says first or responds to when I say it. To me that was awesome. I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.

Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.

I would like to take a moment and thank you for your wonderful book – Love and Respect. I don’t even remember how I came across it – but it is so refreshing to read the truth regarding the intricacies of the relationship between husband and wife, as God designed them to be. I just turned 69 years old – and am very happily married to my husband (of nearly 49 years – we were married in 1972). We have 6 children and 24 grandchildren. I have always had an interest in knowing how to create an atmosphere where love and tenderness not only exist, but continue to grow as time goes on. I have read many books over the years (made plenty of mistakes) – but that was always the goal. It is appalling to me to watch what the women’s movement has done to marriages and families. The lack of respect for men shocks me. I will never forget the day I went into a CVS store for a Father’s Day card. I opened a card that read: “This card is anatomically correct – we didn’t give him any brains.”So I appreciate your fearlessness in teaching the truth. I learned things in your book that no one else (in books I had read) had ever explained. For instance – the shoulder to shoulder concept – about how men don’t really need to have a lot of conversation to enjoy time with their wives. How nice to know that. I have decided that I am going to give your book for wedding gifts. It will cut the learning curve down considerably for those that are just beginning their lives together – and hopefully save them some mistakes along the way. May God Bless you for all you do.

A mother and preschool director wrote: We have four children, two boys and two girls. Our boys are in the middle and sixteen months apart. Our boys were arguing, bickering, and annoying each other on purpose around ages nine and ten... I would remind them to “be nice” or “show kindness,” and their actions would change for the moment, but it didn’t reach their hearts. As I applied the respect principle to them and said things such as “You aren’t showing your brother respect when you ______________.” Or “You show your friends respect, so you need to extend that same respect to your brother.” It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.

I am newly married and this is what I needed to hear to help my groom and me make some early course corrections (especially me!). I had heard about the Love & Respect book but never really understood the heart of the author. Now I want to learn more because this is God’s precious truth to us.

My husband and I just attended your conference…, which we greatly enjoyed. Today is also our precious daughter [s]… birthday and I wanted you to know that she would not be here if not for God’s intervention in our lives through your Love and Respect book 9 years ago which saved our marriage.…I had filed for divorce and moved thousands of miles away to be near my family and started my dream job. I was not just one foot out the door, I was entirely out of the door after years and years of struggling . After 8 years of marriage, I was without hope and hated my husband. We had been to counseling…had even been to several Christian family conferences. However, some of the sin strongholds… had nearly put the nail in the coffin of our marriage. During that year, my husband deployed…, which was according to him, the darkest place on earth where hopelessness and temptation have a stronghold. He had other deployments and after each one he came back more distant and changed. However, this deployment was different. My husband met his best friend and brother in Christ and they began bible study in that dark place. My husband came across your book at the library there (a God thing of course) and began to pursue me relentlessly even from thousands of miles away. It took a long time for me to reach the point where I was at and it took a true miracle to soften my hardened heart. He started with apologies to me and others in our lives he had hurt. Then he began writing me love letters, telling my how amazing and irreplaceable I was. He kept telling me that he was not doing this to win me back, but he was doing this because of the commitment he made to God to be my husband, which had nothing to do with the way I treated him. He sent me flowers, drawings and gifts. For weeks I would not take his phone calls except so he could talk to our young son because I was so angry and afraid to love. I was cruel, and skeptical and he kept loving me unconditionally in spite of this. I will never be able to explain the transformation in my willingness to reconcile and see it as a miracle. One day I saw him as my enemy and the next, I was completely in love with him again and saw him as my warrior, hero, and resolute protector. When people ask me how we could reconcile, I tell them without hesitation that it was God and your book that saved our marriage. When he returned, we canceled the divorce proceedings and reconciled. Shortly thereafter we conceived our little girl. We now have a Godly marriage and are much stronger than ever. Thank you so much for writing this book and saving marriages. There is a special place in our hearts for military families and I pray that the Love and Respect message continues to make its way to bible studies and libraries in the darkest corners of the world.

I wish I would have learned about win-win before we got married. I would have been able to practice these principles while we were courting. I knew there would be challenges but because of each of our personalities they took a long, long, time to really show up. We suppressed a lot of things not wanting to upset the other or bring up something frustrating. If we would have realized that we could have a win-win scenario and communicated about things right away, it wouldn't have taken a decade for major challenges to surface. The Marine Corps is all about preparing for friction and challenges so that concept is easy for me to grasp, the Bible gives us all the tools, but I had never considered solutions in marriage being a win-win situation. I had always heard the emphasis on sacrificing for the other person which I figured could go either way, but the win-win concept I have never considered or heard advocated...despite the fact that it's right there, in the Bible.

I’ve seen the Crazy Cycle in my past, I’ve seen it in my own relationships, and I saw it in my parents’ relationship. I could never put my finger on it, though, and it scared me…Learning about this makes me so hopeful—hopeful that perhaps I won’t find myself in a relationship that ends up drifting away.

"I will go find your book which is on my bookshelf. Your emails have kindled the spark again."

"The changes in my marriage are so drastic that it can only be attributed to a miracle…my life will NEVER be the same. I will, with God's help, ALWAYS seek God and His ways. My marriage has changed and my children will be blessed because of it. This truly does make a difference for generations to come."

When it comes to dating and friendship, my Christian peers and I need all the wisdom we can get. Joy’s heart is to lead and encourage our generation, and I trust The Illumination Project will do just that.