How To Use The Written Material

We want to help you understand how to use the Building Blocks Volume One videos and accompanying written material so you will get the most out of this study. 

The videos include an Introduction with Emerson giving a quick overview of the 5 topics covered in the study. There is also an optional “Welcome” segment from Emerson and Sarah (3 min). You may choose to view either or both of these prior to beginning the study.

Warm-Up 

If doing this in a group, the first session warm-up time is for you to get to know each other. The warm ups in the remaining five sessions encourage you to look back at the last session and share how you applied the newly learned principle to your marriage.

Video - Part 1 

The sessions are broken into two parts: Video Part 1 and Part 2. In Part 1, Emerson introduces the principle and gives an overview of the concept.

Key Points, Quotes, and Scriptures 

To accompany each video section, your study guide includes the Key Points, Quotes, and Scriptures contained in Emerson’s teachings. Often these will be verbatim statements made by him on the video, so you won’t have to try to write them all down if you are taking notes.

Talk About It 

Between Video Part 1 and Part 2 in each session you’ll be prompted to spend time discussing the principles and questions related to the session topic. About 10 minutes is recommended.

Though you may want more time to discuss, this segment is intended to simply get you thinking about the concepts. You will have the opportunity for further discussion in the Practical Application section that follows.

Video - Part 2 

In part 2 of the session video Emerson continues teaching. Part 2 focuses on how to apply each principle to the three Love & Respect cycles: The Crazy Cycle, The Energizing Cycle, and The Rewarded Cycle. The video teaching for each session is complete at the end of Part 2.  

‍Practical Application Exercise

This section helps you learn more about yourself and your spouse. It will also help you apply what you’ve learned. There is time for couple or group discussion at the end of each exercise.

1. An exercise to complete on your own. 
2. An exercise to complete with your spouse, typically a discussion of an individual exercise. 
3. Group Discussion

Take Away 

Writing things down enables you to remember! Write down 1-3 things from Emerson’s teaching in each session that most inspired you.

Key Scripture Verse 

Each session has a Scripture verse that goes along with the teaching that week. We encourage you to take a few minutes each day to meditate on the Key Scripture Verse, allowing God’s Spirit to work in your heart. His Word influences, guides and changes your perspective.

Closing Prayer 

With each session, Emerson offers a closing prayer. Either you or your group leader may recite this prayer, or you may want to pray a prayer of your own.

This Week 

Each session, Emerson and Sarah will challenge you to go beyond listening to DOING. With God’s help, they will ask you to make a commitment to work on you, instead of asking God to change your spouse. Write down the commitment you’ve made. Look at it each day as a reminder of what God is calling you to do. Remember, He is there to help you every step of the way.

Digging Deeper 

If you are interested in learning more about the principles Dr. Emerson presents in each session, we give you the correlating chapter in one of his books.

Small Group Study Participant’s Guidelines 

Small groups can have an enormous impact as you build friendships, gain support and encouragement, and have a close group of people hold you accountable as you work on your marriage. The guidelines below will help you and your other group members benefit from your time together. 

Confidentiality: Remember that everything shared in your small group is to be considered confidential. This protects your group as a supportive, accepting place for its members. Unless you’ve been given permission, do not share anything from your discussion outside your small group. 

Openness: Do your best to be open and honest during discussions. Your transparency will encourage others to do the same. 

Respect for Group Members: Remember that each person has the right to their own opinion. All questions are encouraged and respected. Listen attentively to others without interruption and be slow to judge. Be careful about sentences that start with, “You should…” or, “You ought…” and do not give advice that isn’t specifically solicited. 

Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy: During your group discussions, be careful to guard your mate’s privacy and feelings. Use the discussions to work on yourself and your relationship with God. If a sensitive issue involves your spouse, and discussing it would embarrass or devalue them in the eyes of the group, save that discussion for your “at home” discussion time. 

Priority: Prioritize the small group meeting in your schedule. If you’re unable to attend or are running late, call your group leader. 

Support: Actively support the mission and values of the study and follow the directions given by your leader. Refrain from gossip and criticism; if you have concerns or questions about a member’s views or statements, communicate directly with that person. 

Commitment: As with anything worthwhile in life, what you receive from this study will be directly related to the time, energy, and effort you put into it. Commit to showing up each week, and being open to what God wants to teach you through this study. God will honor your commitment and bless you and your marriage ten-fold. 

Small Group Leader’s Guidelines 

Thank you! We are grateful to those of you who are willing to answer God’s call and lead other couples through this Building Blocks study. Our prayer is that your own marriage will be strengthened and blessed in ways beyond your hopes and expectations. As you prepare to facilitate over the next six weeks, here are a few guidelines to keep in mind. 

1. Don’t do it alone. Pray and ask God to help and guide you throughout the entire study. This is a big responsibility, but God doesn’t expect you to do it alone. God promises to equip you for what He has called you to do. Be sure to set aside quiet time with God to allow Him to strengthen and encourage you and your own marriage. Whether you are an experienced small group leader or this is your first time, God is pleased with your commitment and will meet you right where you are. 

2. Be caring and sensitive. Some couples in your group might see a lot of humor in certain topics and questions. Others may be hurting and unhappy, not seeing the humor at all. As you go through the study, be aware of those couples who may need a little more guidance and encouragement than others. Some may even want to have you meet, talk and pray with them outside the group. If you feel their issues are more than you are qualified to handle, don’t hesitate to refer them to your pastor or a Christian counselor. Don’t worry if you don’t always have an answer to a question. Your group will appreciate your honesty! 

3. Be accepting and nonthreatening. For example, if someone comes up with an opinion that is totally counter to what Emerson sometimes refers to as “typical” or “generally speaking,” do not be defensive or argumentative. Let everyone give opinions, then sum up by saying, “According to Emerson’s extensive experience and research on marital communication, this is what he finds to be the norm or what is typical of men and women, husband and wives. He knows there are exceptions to any general rule, but he has also found that regardless of how people think or act, they all need Love and Respect in communication.” 

4. Be an encourager. Encourage the couples in your group to attend every session, engage fully in the discussion, pray, and complete each session in their workbook. Help them to see God working in them and in their marriage relationship throughout the study. As you lead, be sensitive to personality types (i.e. introvert and extrovert). Gently draw out the quieter members by asking non-threatening questions such as, “What do you think about this?” Encourage talkative members to fully share but not dominate the discussion. Never allow unsolicited advice. 

5. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time. Be sure you are familiar with “How to Use this Study Guide” before you begin. It is best to review the video session and the study guide for that session ahead of time so you are prepared to lead the discussion and exercises. The videos include an Introduction where Emerson gives a quick overview of the 5 topics covered in the study (10 min). There is also an optional “Welcome” segment from Emerson and Sarah (3 min). You may choose to show either or both of these to your group prior to beginning the study. 

6. Session Timing. You can do it in less time, but to get the most out of the study plan on spending at least 90 minutes per meeting. Do your best to honor the time frame you have planned for each week. Keep the discussion focused on the topic and on the specific questions the group is addressing. Let people share, give opinions, and even disagree a bit, but don’t be afraid to sum things up and move to the next question or topic. If the conversation strays to other topics, gently re-direct the group back to the study guide questions and suggest that alternate discussion continue during the social time after the study. 

7. Depend on God’s leading. Prayer should be an important part of every meeting. Emerson has provided a suggested prayer at the end of each session. However, please feel free to lead your group with your own prayer or have someone else in the group lead in prayer. You may even want the couples in your group to share their specific prayer requests at the end of each session so that everyone in the group can be praying for each other. One idea is to have each couple write their prayer request on a 3x5 card, and then place the cards in the middle of the table. Each couple takes someone else’s card home with them and commits to praying for that couple throughout the week. This is a great way to help couples feel connected to each other and the group between meetings. 

8. Abide by and enforce the Participant’s Guidelines. As the Leader, you are the role model for your group. This doesn’t mean you are perfect, but abiding by the Participant’s Guidelines in the beginning of this book is expected. 

Thank You again for allowing God to use you by serving as a small group leader. Your willingness and commitment to dedicate your time, effort and energy is a priceless gift. You are the ones making a difference in the battle against failed marriages and divorce. May God bless you and your marriage.