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Respectfully Yours

Session Overviews

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs delves into the realm of male-female communication, shedding light on the profound understanding that we are not inherently wrong, but rather beautifully distinct. Drawing from the truth that we are both made in the image of God, he emphasizes the notion of equality within our differences. God intentionally crafted men and women to be equal yet unique. Within the intricate tapestry of relationships, both genders yearn for love and respect. However, during times of conflict, Emerson reveals a crucial insight: men's deepest need is rooted in the desire for respect, while women's deepest need finds its foundation in the longing for love. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate the intricacies of communication and foster a deeper sense of connection and harmony in our relationships.

"The Crazy Cycle" is a profound concept introduced by Emerson Eggerichs that unveils a common pattern in relationships where love and respect are lacking. It illustrates the dynamic that when a woman feels unloved, she often responds without showing respect to her partner, and vice versa. This creates a continuous cycle of negative reactions that further perpetuates the conflict. In his teachings, Emerson provides valuable insights on understanding the dynamics of the Crazy Cycle—what it entails, how it arises, and, most importantly, how to break free from its destructive loop. He challenges individuals to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, emphasizing its transformative power in halting the Crazy Cycle and fostering healthier interactions. By embracing this approach, couples can find a path towards resolving conflicts, building mutual respect, and nurturing a more loving and harmonious relationship.

At the core of our faith lies the understanding that God is a loving Father, whose commands are not intended to inflict harm upon us, but rather to guide and protect us. As a good and trustworthy God, His instructions are given with our best interests in mind. It is through this lens that we can approach His commandments, knowing that they are not burdensome impositions, but rather pathways to abundant life. In seeking a deeper revelation of God as our heavenly Father, we open ourselves up to a transformative understanding of His character and intentions towards us. As we come to know Him more intimately, we realize that His heart desires what is truly best for us. This revelation instills within us a deep trust, enabling us to surrender our worries and concerns, knowing that He will faithfully take care of us. With this newfound understanding and trust, we can embrace a life filled with hope, security, and the assurance that our heavenly Father is always working for our good.

When we place our faith in Jesus Christ, a remarkable transformation takes place within us. We are no longer defined by our past or our shortcomings, but rather we become a new creation, intimately connected to God's Kingdom. In this newfound identity, we discover that we are royalty, heirs to the promises and blessings of God. This realization goes beyond the assurance of eternal fellowship with God and the hope of entering heaven, although those are significant blessings in themselves. We also gain a new sense of identity, recognizing our inherent worth and value in the eyes of God.

With this understanding, we are empowered to embrace our true identity as women of dignity. As we recognize our worth to God, we can extend that same unconditional respect to our husbands. It is through this lens that we can honor and value our spouses, seeing them as fellow creations of God and treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. This shift in perspective allows us to engage in relationships with a newfound grace and humility, fostering an atmosphere of love, respect, and mutual honor.

Getting in tune with our thoughts enables us to take them captive in obedience to Christ, renewing our minds as we focus on the Truth in God's Word. Through this intentional process, we learn how to maintain respect in the midst of unloving actions, dealing with negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings, and replacing them with the power of Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in God's Word, our minds are transformed, aligning our attitudes and actions with the character of Christ. This journey of renewing our minds leads to true freedom, breaking free from the chains of negativity and experiencing the profound liberation, peace, and joy that comes from aligning our thoughts with God's truth in Christ.

Showing respect to your husband is a simple yet powerful endeavor that can significantly impact your relationship. By being friendly, conscious of your facial expressions and tone of voice, and avoiding contempt, you can motivate and inspire your man. Embracing a positive, respectful approach not only changes the atmosphere in your home but also creates a harmonious and loving environment. Through practical examples and behaviors like active listening and affirming his efforts, you can demonstrate respect and make a tangible difference in your relationship. Remember, showing respect does not mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries but rather recognizing the value and worth of your husband as an equal partner. By nurturing mutual respect and understanding, you can cultivate a relationship built on love and create a home filled with harmony and joy.

Respectfully Yours Study Guide

10 Pack

The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage!

Ephesians 5:33 holds a timeless truth that has been right in front of us for almost 2000 years: husbands are called to love their wives, while wives are called to respect their husbands. As women across the nation become acquainted with the Love and Respect message, they often seek guidance on understanding and practicing respect in their marriages. Respectfully Yours provides the answers they are looking for and so much more. Within its pages, we uncover the secret to cultivating power and influence in your marriage.

Transform Your Marriage with Respectfully Yours

This journey entails distinguishing Biblical respect from being a doormat, breaking free from negative thought patterns, embracing the transformative truth that differences don't mean being wrong, but simply being different, and learning practical yet impactful ways to apply respect in everyday interactions. By doing marriage God's way and following the principles outlined in Respectfully Yours, you can reap eternal rewards and experience a profound transformation in your relationship. Explore our Respectfully Yours Study Guide, available in a 10 Pack, along with the additional Leaders Guide for comprehensive support and guidance.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Building Blocks

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The Love and Respect Experience

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Love & Respect Book

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Respectfully Yours

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Building Blocks

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The Language of Love & Respect Book

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love & Respect Podcast

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Respectfully Yours

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The Love and Respect Experience

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Respectfully Yours

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Building Blocks

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before You Hit Send

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Before You Hit Send

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Building Blocks

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

The Love and Respect Experience

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Love & Respect

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Love & Respect

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Language of Love & Respect

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Love and Respect Experience

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Love & Respect Podcast

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Building Blocks

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Building Blocks

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Respectfully Yours

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Love & Respect Book

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Building Blocks

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Love & Respect Podcast

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Love & Respect

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Building Blocks

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Building Blocks

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Before You Hit Send

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Building Blocks

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Respectfully Yours

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Love & Respect Boook

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Building Blocks

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The Love and Respect Experience

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The Love and Respect Experience

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Building Blocks

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Before You Hit Send

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Love and Respect Experience

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Before You Hit Send

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Respectfully Yours

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love & Respect

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Love & Respect in the Family

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Love & Respect

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Respectfully Yours

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Building Blocks

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Love & Respect in the Family

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Building Blocks

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Building Blocks

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Love & Respect

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Love & Respect in the Family

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Love & Respect Podcast

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before You Hit Send

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Before You Hit Send

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Love & Respect
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