Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We are equal but we are not the same.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.