Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.