Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.